In the last several months, I have lost a friend to major depression, another to breast cancer, and a friend's mother died unexpectedly at the age of 67. And I have many friends, like myself, who deal with chronic pain on a daily basis. It has become increasingly difficult to do activities that I love to do, and dealing with the loss of function with a bad back, and seeing others go through their pain.

Asking for help is not something I learned to do well when I grew up. Independence, especially for a female, was a big deal for my parents to teach my sister and I. My mother, at one point, had to sit on my father's lap when I froze on the diving board during swim lessons. He was going to come get me, but my mother refused, stating she needs to learn everything she can now so she can survive as an adult. For that, I am forever grateful, because I would not have had the wonderful experiences I have had to this point in my life.

I had a plan to go on a cruise. I booked the airlines with wheel chair assistance. That was a toughy for me.  I am only 50, and used to be able to handle the airports without a problem. I was amazed, though, at how wonderful everyone was during the whole trip. No questions asked, no funny looks.

Once on the cruise, I refused to let anything stop me. The pain in my knees and ankles, at times, seemed unbearable. My ankles were 3 times their usual size once I arrived home. I thought I did what I needed to keep the pain down. Whatever I did, I believe my mindset of "I'm going to do this" is what got me through the trip. Yes, I needed my pain medication. Yes, I brought my cane. Yes, I asked for wheel chair assistance when needed. Could I have done more to reduce the pain? Probably. My point is, I made it.
And I met some beautiful people. One couple gave me hope that there is love still in this world. One woman had surgery on her ankle and was still not weight bearing on the foot. But she made it. Another had limited vision and was on her first cruise. All were smiling, enjoying themselves, and showing me how wonderful it is to be in this world. They made a difference in my world, and now I have new friends.

I can still feel the sting of the loss of friends and personal functioning. But I was reminded, also, that life is good. What a wonderful world when all we have to do is say "I can and I will."

IN HONOR OF HARPER LEE April 28, 1926--February 19, 2016

Brenna M's Book Blog

The book world has lost another great author. While I saw mixed reviews for Go Set a Watchman, the world has loved To Kill a Mockingbird.

Today, while out at my local YMCA, I noticed they had a Scholastic Book Fair taking place, and the proceeds from the book sales are to help the preschool and before and after school programs they run. I had to buy a book. Actually 2-a National Geographic Angry Birds Space book for my nephew, and The House on Stone's Throw Island-a middle grade/young adult book for me. (I love books written for this age group).

Harper's Mockingbird was a book that I read in high school and have reread several times. She is one of the authors I wish had written more, but then chose not to for what ever her reasons were. But I still love to read, and had to buy books in her honor today.


(originally posted to booklikes-http://brennam.booklikes.com/post/1346209/in-honor-of-harper-lee-april-28-1926-february-19-2016)

THANK YOU FOR BEING

In 2007, I was first diagnosed with degeneration in my spine. I was only 42 and expected to have reading glasses before being told that my spine had arthritis, spinal stenosis, and bulging discs. The muscle spasms got initially better, and with medication that I could take as needed.

By 2010, I was having a hard time finding a job and did a 12 hour shift at Walmart over Thanksgiving through a temp agency. It was an absolute mess. I was stumped over, having difficulty walking, and couldn't lift anything over 20 pounds. This couldn't be happening to me. 45 years old and I typically could lift between 50 and 80 pounds. Now I was having trouble with lifting a  laundry basket.

Then, in 2011, on top of that stress of no job and a bad back, I had a bad break up with my then boyfriend. My depression was bad enough; now I was so bad I lost 25 pounds in 3 days, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying, and didn't know where to go.

Needless to say, It is 4 years later, and I am on disability because the back has worsened. I can only work 6-8 hours a week. I still feel like crying and struggle with fighting the depression that comes with chronic pain. It seems that no matter how many times I can explain it, people never fully understand the difficulty of losing bodily function and not be able to do the things that I could have even 6 months ago. I'm 50 in a 75 year old's body.

About 3 weeks ago, I lost a childhood friend to Major Depression. She just couldn't bear the pain anymore, despite positive family support, proper medication, and good therapists. The pain must have been unbearable.

I was able to put my pain in perspective, because I understand how difficult it is to deal. I miss my friend. I wish I had a way to tell her that, and that I've loved how beautiful she was.

I found a Seneca Indian greeting-"Thank you for being." I wish there was a way to let all those with chronic pain, whether from medical or mental health issues, know that they are worth it. I wish there was a way to encourage those without these issues to say to someone else "Thank you for being". Not just for being you, but for being.

Being. In love. In my life. In this world. In someone's family. In this time. In this place. Being. Being is important. Being is part of our individual's soul.

Being. Beautiful.